Hello. Do You Have Prince Albert In A Can?

No, he only comes in a condom.

Or not.

"Midway through the official yearlong mourning period for his father, just as [Prince Albert of Monaco] the bachelor prince was trying to assimilate his new responsibilities and project the gravitas expected of him as a ruler, a former flight attendant announced with rather graphic detail in Paris-Match that she and Prince Albert had conceived a son, Alexandre, who was born two years ago.

"'It was a very difficult moment for me,' he said with characteristic understatement, adding that he is still 'coming to terms' with the unintended fatherhood. When asked if he believed he was tricked into having a child, as the mother's account suggested, he was unflinching. 'Yes, I think I was set up,' he said." (link)

Let me get out the world's second smallest violin for the poor prince.

The potentate asserts that young Alexandre will never ascend to the throne of Monaco, but he may try to get him a job at Albertson's.

Frivolous Lawsuit Dismissed

Slightly old news, but I missed it.

Someone once suggested it was wrong to bear false witness against one's neighbors. In response, Stephen Williams, the "Alliance Defense Fund" and Sean Hannity, among others, said fuck that shit.

You may recall that Williams, a Christian fundamentalist, sued the Cupertino Unified School District after he was forbidden to teach students fraudulent versions of history and religion designed to prostylize them. Sean Hannity rolled into town and led a crusade against the District based on Williams' lies, and Williams' principal was harassed by right-wing thugs.

In August, the suit was dismissed, Williams has resigned in disgrace, and Williams and his attorney were forced to execute an agreement acknowledging that Williams' claims against the District had no merit. The Left Coaster has all the glorious details.

(The local paper, the San Jose Mercury-News has the same here and here, but with incredibly annoying registration required.)

It's good to see thugs lose.

For those who missed the story in the So-Called Liberal Media, that's because the dismissal got almost no coverage outside California -- except for a blatantly dishonest article on a Focus on the Family website claiming victory for the thugs.

Pacification Continues Successfully in Iraq

Good News From Mississippi

The President Takes Action

Fucking Moron 2.0

Bearded git Jeff Jarvis says that the 9/11 Commission is at fault for the failed Bush Administration response to Hurricane Katrina. No, really.

The 9/11 Commission bears some responsibility for the disaster that American disaster relief has become.... [Para.] But there was no deliberation after the commission issues its report and browbeat Washington into doing what they said. So Washington did. And FEMA is a mess. And New Orleans is a mess.

And here's his proof:

I've been trying to find how exactly FEMA's reorganization plan came: Were the details laid out by the commission or by Congress? Doesn't matter, really.

The intellectual rigor of the argument astounds.

Bearded Git 2.0 might want to use the internet he's always prattling on about to school his sorry ass:

But then, as former counter-terrorism czar Richard Clarke explained in his recent book Against all Enemies, "the White House legislative affairs office began to take a head count on Capitol Hill." Realizing that the Lieberman Bill would likely pass both houses of Congress, with no credit given to the White House, in June 2002 the administration changed its tune, calling for a new Department of Homeland Security (DHS) that would be even larger than the one Lieberman had proposed.

Under the administration's plan, 22 government agencies, FEMA among them, would be merged into the DHS. Analysts in and out of government warned against subsuming the emergency agency's vital functions in a new super-department. "There are concerns of FEMA losing its identity as an agency that is quick to respond to all hazards and disasters," the agency's inspector general noted in a memo to Allbaugh. Congress' Government Accountability Office judged the merger to be a "high-risk" endeavor for FEMA, and the Brookings Institution, a leading Washington think-tank, cautioned in a report that such a move could hobble the agency's natural disaster programs. "While a merged FEMA might become highly adept at preparing for and responding to terrorism, it would likely become less effective in performing its current mission in case of natural disasters as time, effort and attention are inevitably diverted to other tasks within the larger organization."

But Bush's proposal won out, and a shift in priorities from natural disasters to counter-terrorism immediately took hold. In its 2002 budget, the White House doubled FEMA's budget to $6.6 billion, but of that sum, $3.5 billion was earmarked for equipment and training to help states and localities respond to terrorist attacks.

Michael Brown, a college friend of Allbaugh's who had served as FEMA's general counsel, was recruited to head the agency, which would now be part of the DHS's Emergency and Response Directorate. When the reorganization took effect on March 1, 2003, Brown assured skeptics that under the new arrangement, the country would be served by "FEMA on steroids"--a faster, more effective disaster agency.

The reorganization took effect March 1, 2003. The 9/11 Commission Report was issued in July 2004.

But! But! What about the 9/11 Commission? It's their fault! It is! It is! It is!

And this tossbag is "conven[ing] a meeting to bring together the best of the web -- software, hardware, infrastructure, media, money -- to start to gather around needs and solutions" for future disasters. Give it up, Jarvis. Your credibility and relevance are beyond recovery.

Stay tuned for future Jarvis installments: (1) The Old Media, which is dead and just doesn't know it, is to blame for the death of every American in the past month. And they know it; (2) Kofi Annan was raping women in the Superdome; (3) The people who named those Iraqi brothers weeks after I did have the blood of Katrina's victims on their hands too.

Update: Paragraph after large block quote edited for clarity.

The report did not explain where the tiger urine had come from or how it was collected.

Hmmm... Tastes like chicken piss.

The Missouri attorney general, Jay Nixon, filed a lawsuit this afternoon against InternetDonations.org, the hub for a constellation of Web sites erected over the last several days purporting to collect donations for victims of Hurricane Katrina.

Also named in the lawsuit, Mr. Nixon said, is the apparent operator of the donation sites, Frank Weltner, a St. Louis resident and radio talk show personality with ties to neo-Nazi organizations and the notorious Web site JewWatch.com.

The Missouri lawsuit seeks to freeze the assets of Internet Donations Inc., a nonprofit entity registered with the Missouri secretary of state's office by Mr. Weltner on Sept. 2, and to shut down the dozen or so Web sites with names like KatrinaFamilies.com, Katrina-Donations.com and NewOrleansCharities.com. Those sites appear to have been hastily registered and mounted since Hurricane Katrina devastated large swaths of Louisiana, Alabama and Mississippi last week.

If you look at this prick's own website (no link), he is in fact raising money for victims of Katrina. Certain victims.

To hell with the lawsuit, drop this man headfirst into Lake Pontchartrain.

Update: I am moving this to the top because the sites are still active. It would be a tragedy if this ass got one cent. It wouldn't be a tragedy if something somehow happened to all of his sites.

Family Man

Serial predator A. Schwarzenegger protects the sanctity of marriage:

SACRAMENTO, Calif. -- Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger announced Wednesday that he will veto a bill that would allow gay marriages in California.

Schwarzenegger said the legislation, given final approval Tuesday by lawmakers, would conflict with the intent of voters when they approved a ballot initiative five years ago. Proposition 22 prevents California from recognizing same-sex marriages performed in other states or countries.

Well, Prop. 22 was a law enacted through the proposition process. And, since then, the voters elected legislators to enact laws. So the Assembly bill is the will of the voters.

"We cannot have a system where the people vote and the Legislature derails that vote," the governor's press secretary, Margita Thompson, said in a statement. "Out of respect for the will of the people, the governor will veto (the bill)."

If the Predator respected the will of the people, he'd vacate his sorry ass from the Governor's office. Although it will be more fun to see him vacate involuntarily.

Ode to Mountjoy

You are an asshole.

But opponents, including conservative Republicans, have argued that the law must be stopped in the nation's most populous state because it constitutes another assault on the sanctity of the family. Californians passed a defense-of-marriage act defining marriage as between a man and a woman in 2000, and the state, which mixes freewheeling Marin County with culturally conservative Orange County, has emerged as a front line in the battle over the bedroom ever since.

"Marriage should be between a man and a woman, end of story. Next issue," insisted Assemblyman Dennis Mountjoy (R-Monrovia). "It's not about civil rights or personal rights, it's about acceptance. They want to be accepted as normal. They are not normal." -- Washington Post, September 7, 2005

Here's an excerpt from Dennis's bio:

Dennis has two grown children, Tammy and Nicholas, and one grandchild, Diego. He is a member of the California Republican Assembly and the Lincoln Club. He is an avid golfer. His hobbies include fishing and hunting.

Notice anything?

Jonah Goldberg, Second Generation Racist

When you see a headline like this from the Doughy Pantload

In Katrina's aftermath, racial generalizations aren't helpful

you might think Goldberg was going to castigate his racist pal John Derbyshire for seconding the racist comments of John Tierney's racist pal, Steve Sailer. (Derbyshire's comment is quoted here.)

You might think that if you knew nothing about Jonah Goldberg, the son of a proprietor of an internet bulletin board for racists.

You might think it if you didn't read Goldberg's article, which engages in racist generalizations Goldberg at which he pretends to take offense. The Pantload writes:

The danger here is real. Tens of thousands of black New Orleaneans persevered with dignity and sacrifice in the face of Katrina. But a sizable minority of blacks - including police - behaved reprehensibly in the aftermath, shooting at rescue workers, raping, killing and, yes, looting (though no cannibalism).

Does the Pantload have any proof that any African-Americans shot at rescue workers, raped and killed people "in the aftermath?" Does he have any proof that a sizeable minority of African-Americans shot at rescue workers, raped and killed people? Does he have any proof that any -- or a sizeable minority -- of African-American police officers shot at rescue workers, killed and raped people? Because he unequivocally makes every one of those assertions. Perhaps he confused the facts with a particularly violent episode of Star Trek.

Goldberg is a racist, pure and simple.

And The Bigots Played On

Rebecca Hagelin asks why the poor don't have the courtesy to shut up and drown, like the underclass passengers in steerage on the Titanic did.

Hagelin can't help but think -- if you can call it that -- "that if the tragic natural disaster in New Orleans had occurred in a culture that had daily practiced the Golden Rule, rather than the Gangsta Rot, we would have seen more scenes of neighbors helping neighbors and far fewer scenes of neighbors preying upon neighbors." That never would have happened on the Titanic, Hagelin huffs:

The harsh reality that dreadful day in 1912 is that most of the passengers would die, and they knew it. Yet, amid the panic and impending doom, the accounts of survivors remind us of a time when civility and honor were more important to many than survival itself.

So how is that in fewer than 100 years we have digressed to [sic] a society where, when disaster strikes, the story is marked by a display of the worst side of human nature rather than the best?

How is it? Perhaps because you and your story are full of shit, that's how.

On the Titanic:

The orders, if they came at all, were sent down to the lower decks after most of the lifeboats with less than capacity had left. By that time and the fate of these people were sealed. They were basically left to shift for themselves. Some managed to save themselves, but most just milled around helplessly about in their quarters-ignored, neglected, forgotten.

There were some Third Class passengers that did not wait for White Star personnel to escort them. They struck out on their own and faced many locked entry ways and gates. The myriad of hallways and stairs in Titanic made the trip from steerage to the boat deck an almost insurmountable challenge. Any entrance through First Class was met with locked doors or a White Star crew member that refused entrance. Some of the more resourceful third class passengers crawled along the crane from the well deck aft while others climbed vertical ladders to escape the well deck forward.

Sound familiar, Becky?

And why not compare Katrina with history which is quite a bit more relevant, by the way? No gangsta rap in 1927 either.

I know this part of the Titanic story will ring a bell for you:

With this lost world went some of its prejudices-especially a firm and loudly voiced opinion of the superiority of Anglo-Saxon courage. All the brave and heroic passengers were white, English speaking people. While the ones that mobbed the lifeboats and pushed women and children out of the way were "Armenians", "Italian", or just "foreigners." Even when Harold Bride in his testimony, told about the man that broke into the radio room and tried to steal his life jacket, some newspapers made the man "Negro" for better effect. (Just as a sidelight, there were no African-Americans on board the Titanic.)

Sadly, those prejudices, and those loudly voiced opinions, haven't gone at all. They've just digressed to Townhall.com.

Ad Nags

Some revisionist history in the NYT:

Mr. Clinton has been engaged in a campaign to establish himself as a respected force in American life after a rather messy departure from the White House, using his foundation for prominent work in the fight against AIDS in Africa.

The only thing messy about President Clinton's departure from the White House was the debacle known as Electiontheft 2000. Clinton played no role in that. And, of course, the impeachment farce was concluded before the President completed his second term.

Oh, wait. Maybe Ad Nags is talking about the fictitious trashing of the White House. Or maybe Marc Rich, the rich man's Cap Weinberger and Eliott Abrams (or the poor man's George H.W. Bush).

Clinton was always respected by many and hated, virulently, by a prominent many in the SCLM. Which brings us back to Nagourney.

[Clinton] is also trying to be less polarizing than he was when he left the White House, an effort to become less of a political weight if, as expected, Mrs. Clinton runs for president, friends said. The presence of Mr. Clinton next to Mr. Bush will make it that much harder, some Democrats said, for Republicans to attack the Clintons.

What? Lanny Davis and Dick Morris didn't want to see their names in the paper? There's a first time for everything.

Or is Nags talking about his friends, like Jodi Wilogren and Judith Fucking-Miller?

And there is nothing which will make it harder for Republicans to attack the Clintons, which Nags knows as well as he knows his speed dial number for Karl Rove.

Lie and Order

Harry Shearer has been blogging with a skeptical eye about all the rumors of looting, assault, shooting at aircraft, desertion and general lawlessness in New Orleans. Not to say that such things haven't happened, just that they often get reported when there's no credible proof or particulars.

It's a welcome antidote to people like Kaus, who never met an anecdote reflecting poorly on African-Americans he didn't link to -- along with an accusation that "network TV" is covering up such purported uncontrolled group savagery.

Of course, Shearer is actually speaking with people on the ground and monitoring local television stations and the print press. But that shouldn't deter Kaus -- they're all in on the conspiracy too. He knows they're all out to make him look bad.

Shelter From The Storm

In this time of national crisis, a lot of people have been asking, "Where's Dick Cheney?" Well, he's been engaged in finding shelter for people:

ST. MICHAELS, Md. -- They've grown used to having a secretary of defense in their midst -- the way his weekend estate is tucked behind a bend in the road, how he takes casual walks tailed by dark SUVs. Now, residents of this Eastern Shore retreat are preparing for someone even bigger to buy a house down the road: the vice president.

"I'd heard it was going to close either Tuesday or Wednesday of this week," Carroll Hurley, a funeral home owner, said Saturday, seated with his breakfast gang at the Carpenter Street saloon and restaurant.

...

Whether it's true -- that Dick and Lynne Cheney are buying an estate here -- could not be confirmed. Those closest to the deal -- Cheney's office, the purported sellers, the listing agent -- aren't talking. Hurley admits he's not certain: "All I have is hearsay. It wouldn't stand up in court."

Still, a nosy visit here leaves a person with one of two possibilities: Either the Cheneys are coming or a lot of people have bad information. Police Chief Ed Henry -- who breakfasted along with Hurley -- even referred to the lot in question as "Cheney's house."

The house, listed at $2.9 million, backs up in spectacular fashion to an inlet of the Chesapeake Bay. "Right out by [Defense Secretary Donald H.] Rumsfeld's," said Charles Mangold Sr., whose Benson & Mangold agency brokers high-end estates in the area. "It's under contract, but he hasn't settled yet."

The estate goes back to 1930 and was said to be built by one of Thomas Edison's daughters, according to Robert Snyder, the Coldwell Banker agent who is listing the property.

The nine-acre lot includes extensive gardens, ornamental pools and spectacular views of the water behind it. Deer and osprey can be seen.

It's hard work.

It takes time

Sounds like Dicky Ticker's possible new estate is located in an area susceptible to hurricanes such as Isabel. Maybe he could tour the Gulf Coast in order to get some retrofitting tips for his latest manse from the Army Corps of Engineers.

Of course, my criticism of Bush's selection of Kerik isn't an endorsement of the gross incompetence of Michael Chertoff who, while obviously a more intelligent man than Kerik, was tapped to head the DHS because of his work for the Republicans against Clinton and because he was "clean" in all the ways Kerik is dirty.

But Kerik's failings go far beyond favoritism, self-dealing, and association with scumbags and Judith Regan. Kerik has a record of failure in matters of public safety and disaster response, as the Center for American Progress discussed last December:

KERIK ABANDONS CRITICAL POST IN IRAQ TO TAKE A VACATION: The Washington Post reports that Kerik's track record on issues of national security is "spotty." Appointed by President Bush to train a new Iraqi police force in 2003, "Kerik came under criticism for inadequate screening of recruits as U.S. authorities rushed to deploy the force. It has been plagued by desertions and by allegations that insurgents have infiltrated the ranks." Worse, Kerik "quit four months into his six-month tenure in Iraq, telling New York reporters later that he needed a vacation."

KERIK CRITICIZED BY CONSERVATIVES FOR POST-9/11 OPERATIONS: A prominent Republican member of the Sept. 11 commission, former Navy secretary John F. Lehman, sharply criticized Kerik "for failures of leadership during the terrorist attacks" of 9/11. Lehman said that Kerik allowed turf battles with the Fire Department to "hamper rescue efforts" and called Kerik's leadership at the time "not worthy of the Boy Scouts."

As Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, Chertoff would make a great defense attorney for Duke Cunningham, Jack Abramoff or Karl Rove. Regretably, the forces of nature aren't susceptible to a well-crafted line of bullshit.

Karl Rove and Voter Fraud

It's not just a job, it's a lifestyle too:

Anyway, Rove is now registered to vote in Kerr County, about 80 miles west of Austin in the Texas Hill Country. He and his wife, Darby, have owned property there, on the Guadalupe River, since at least 1997, according to county property records.

But as far as the locals know, the couple have never actually lived in either of two tiny rental cottages Rove claims as his residence on Texas voter registration rolls. The largest is 814 square feet and valued by the county at about $25,000.

"I've been here 10 years and I've never seen him. There are only, like, three grocery stores in town. You'd think you'd at least see him at the HEB" grocery, said Greg Shrader, editor and publisher of the Kerrville Daily Times.

...

Down in Texas, when you register to vote in a place where you don't actually live, the county prosecutor can come after you for voter fraud, said Elizabeth Reyes, an attorney with the elections division of the Texas Secretary of State. Rove's rental cottage "doesn't sound like a residence to me, because it's not a fixed place of habitation," she said. "If it's just property that they own, ownership doesn't make that a residence."

Still, under state law, the definition of a Texan is really pretty loose, Reyes said, even for voting purposes. So someone would have to file a complaint.

Any Texan readers of Roger Ailes who like to complain? I'm bitter enough (just ask those who e-mail me), but I'm not a Texan.

Maybe the Astroturf Center for Voting Rights can look into this. If Karl's checks bounce.

(Thanks to P O'Neill for the link.)